Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How to deal with pregnant friends/family when you have a fertility problem?

If you have a fertility problem, how do you deal with constantly finding out various friends of yours are pregnant? What do you say when your parents and in-laws gently hint for grand-kids (as if you're not trying)? I'd like to keep my issue private but I also feel like I can't avoid these situations without explaining to everybody why it bothers me.How to deal with pregnant friends/family when you have a fertility problem?
I agree, you need to tell your close friends so they will understand and hopefully be supportive. My family asks insensitive questions, even though they know we are trying for that little miracle. I try to make light of it by using humour. If I can't laugh about it sometimes, I would cry a lot more. When my dad asks if I'm pregnant yet I just tell him how much fun we're having trying. I don't think there is any easy way to deal with these types of situations.Also try visiting forums with other people in your same situation so you can talk to people who understand from personal experience.Here's a site I have used.How to deal with pregnant friends/family when you have a fertility problem?
As far as your friends go, you need to tell them. I too struggled for years and finally adopted. You need their support. This isn't a dirtly little secret that you need to keep. Also, try joining a support group, it can help to have others to talk to that are going through the same thing as you are.
In the case of the inlaws, grin and bear it. Until you're ready to tell them what's going on, they are clueless and will likely keep prodding. As for finding out friends are pregnant, try to spin it. If it were YOU who were pregnant, would you want them to be angry or hurt? Nope - you would want them to be happy. Are they getting pregnant in spite of you? I also doubt this very much. I know it's hard. We struggled for over a year to get pregnant with our second daughter. Since then, I've been pregnant twice more and lost both babies. The most important thing, I think, is to remember that no one is trying to hurt you. It's going to be painful until you get pregnant, but there's not a whole lot you can do to stop others from having babies.





Best of luck. I hope you get pregnant soon!
There's no easy way to deal with the emotionalhat come from seeing friends that are pregnant but one thing that you can do to hint your trying without going into details is to state ';you'll have a child when __________ (God, nature, fate or any other being) feels it is the time for us to have a child. Sometimes you'll get a few that will rudely ask ';oh are you having problems'; and some that will further their rudeness giving advise as if you don't have the concept of the birds and the bees but most will take the hint without prying.
Either tell them your situation or expect more of the same hints/questions. There's no way to stop them from asking what is in their minds a harmless question if they don't know what's truly going on.


I let my situation be known- that way if I seemed detached, I wasn't bombarded with questions. In the time I struggled with infertility- I saw 7 close friends or relatives get pregnant and have those babies. It hurt BAD- but I can't hardly expect them to put their lives on hold just because I wasn't getting pregnant. I was happy for them, but my personal grief sometimes clouded that. You just have to either remove yourself from the uncomfortable situation or buck up and participate in the joy and grieve later.


What made it easier for us was when we set a timeline. When we knew exactly how much longer we would try before adopting- it seemed to lift a weight off my shoulders.


Allow yourself to grieve- but understand that most questions about babies and such are common and are not meant to hurt. No one can know why it hurts you unless you tell them.



I have the same situation, we started the trying when we noticed my in-laws, my father, my aunts, even my workmates ask the same question whenever we cross path...





We've only started trying last march, and with a little research, i've learned what was i doing wrong and what should be done..I went to an obgyne then was given all these nasty meds...although i continued Met and folic acid, i didn't return for Clomid yet...I am PCOS but it seems my period is getting regular since i had it June-Aug...





I read a lot about my condition and stayed here in Y!Answers to get myself acquainted with other women with the same kind of situation...I learned to not stress about it.





We tried and followed the obgyne's instruction and it is so tiring to have a schedule and be given a med to take during those days...Right now, we will try to just have as much babydance the minute my period this aug ends...Every other day for the whole month, since i have irregular periods before...Tiring but worth the effort i guess..At least, we'll do it with our own motivation, not some sort of an instruction from a doctor.





When friends tell me they are pregnant, i feel happy, looking forward to the day that i'll be announcing my own pregnancy...Be just optimistic, it'll come when it's time...I just say I'm not pregnant yet to whoever ask me...And when they go blah blah about how to do it, just listen, you might get something that might be of help. Research about it.





I learned and felt that stress really can make your goal unreachable..So I tried to relax and just try the next time...





Equip yourself with information, both from the internet and from friends, they will be your greatest source. Research and Do what is reasonably true then pray to God to make it happen.





Baby dust for all of us! :)
its a hard situation i was in it from as young as 17, i was told i couldnt have kids because of pid, pcos and a bicornuate uterus which is a shock at such a young age. people around me were having babies even a friend from school who noone thought would have kids let alone at a young age, and it was hard to cope with. i just basically got on with my life and decided that if its meant to be i will get pregnant, although i was so desperate for a baby. you need to talk your friends and family about how you feel, im sure they will support you if they understand what you are going through. it made it harder for me that noone knew about my fertility problems, so i had to go through it alone. now im pregnant with my first baby after just one month of trying, proof that doctors dont always know what they are talking about, and im glad i just let things happen the way they did. the more you stress over it the harder it becomes, maybe enjoy spending time with your friends and their kids rather than dwelling on not having your own yet. it will happen in its own time. good luck and dont let it get to you.
I know how you feel. We struggled for about 4 years. It's frustrating, I know, but if you tell people, they're usually supportive. But if you want to keep it private, just tell them that when you're ready and it happens, you'll let them know. We told our family about our problems so that they wouldn't give any more ';gentle hints';, that hurt a lot. As far as friends getting prego all the time, that's a tough one. If you tell them about your prob, sometimes they tend to react weird only because they don't know what to say/do. It's hard to be happy for them, but try because one day your time will come, and getting down about them doesn't help you. But if it's too hard, just separate yourself from them for a while. It's hard, but it helps. I had a friend who had 2 in a row. I had to hear it from the grape vine when she got pregnant w/ the 2nd because she didn't want to tell me. That was hard.


When you're really down, let it out, because it does make you feel better. And try to remember, your fertility issue doesn't define who you are! Try to find something to distract you and keep your chin up!! Good luck!!
you just have to be happy form them even if it kills you trust me i know what you mean last year i found out that my cuz was pregnant and then just a few months later it was my older sis that got pregnant it killed me both times i wanted to cry because i know it was going to be hard for me to conceive but in jan of this year i got preg. i was excited and i thought my life was finally going consist of a lil baby in march i had a m.c. when everyone one else was having their baby the only thing i could think about was who i lost mine i was hurt a week after my d %26amp; c my sis found out what she was having i couldn't help but be upset and hurt after she left my house i went to the bathroom and cried i called my bf at work and i just cried to him i wanted to be happy for my sis but it was hard i still haven't gotten preg.and when i look at my nephew now it still hurts. what im trying to tell you is that you have to appreciate what god puts in front of you now and when hes ready he will grant you the blessing of a child in the mean time just keep trying im really sorry i know exactly how you feel.(oh i have pcos thats why its hard for me to get preg.)

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